JBculkin

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Women and video games

As it stands at the moment, this article does not meet the requirements for an article and maybe deleted. I have pasted the text below and will work through some of the problems:

"In years past female gamers had only made up a small portion of the total number of gamers. In 2012 the about of female gamers had risen to almost half the total amount of gamers. Efforts to include greater female participation have addressed the problems of gendered advertising, social stereotyping, and the decline of female video game creators. There has been some debate about whether to create female-targeted games along with male-targeted games, or whether gender-neutral games should take their place."

Firstly it comes across as being more of an essay than an encyclopedia entry. It seems to be original research and opinion which is not permitted. It includes what are known as "weasel words" - for example "some debate". It also includes a lot of words that are not simple English, eg: portion, total, risen, participation, gendered, stereotyping, decline, video, creators, debate, whether, create, feamle-targeted, along, male-targeted, gender-neutral. While it may be necessary to include some non simple words (it would be hard to write about video games without the word "video" for example, where there are simple words that could be used they should be used. Where complex words are used they could be linked to Wiktionary (it is not good writing to simply use complex words and just link them). To improve this article, it will need a clear introduction sentence to say what it is all about. Then you will need some reliable evidence to support the claims. What is the proof that numbers had increased in 2012? Are there examples of efforts to include more females? Where is the proof that the numbers of female game makers has gone down? Are there examples of games made for males, and games made for females, or games where they the sex of the player does not matter? (Please note that I have used Simple English in my questions)

Writing Simple English articles is hard work, but enjoyable because of its challenges. I hope you can improve the article. Please feel free to ask any me any questions. You can add them below, and I will find them. --Peterdownunder (talk) 07:22, 4 March 2014 (UTC)