Talk:Payung dance
 | This article is part of the Feminism and Folklore 2024 edit-a-thon! |
 | This article contains a translation of an article from id.wikipedia. |
Greetings, Feminism and Folklore write-a-thon contestant User:Cyber.Eyes.2005. I will begin this preliminary evaluation by running the text of this article through my readability gizmo. It's giving me nothing below seventh grade with an average of ninth.
In part because the gizmo is not the boss of me, I will now read the article with my eyeballs and run its content through my mighty human brain.
We don't really do contractions in article space. Simple English, not informal English. There's more passive voice than I like to see. Phrases like "really" and "a lot" and the second person ("you can see") show up a lot in informal English and might not be consistent with an encyclopedic tone. Phrases like "in charge" are easy for native-English-speaking children to understand because they're familiar, but they're not necessarily the same for English learners. Things like "the dance got even better" are vague. It might be better to say how, specifically the dance changed.
Choice of topic: Excellent. If you're triaging articles to simplify, this one has my vote. Darkfrog24 (talk) 22:34, 12 March 2024 (UTC)
- Thanks for the detailed review. I've fixed the issues you pointed out, as well as several others I noticed. I believe it should be good by now. Could you please review it again? – Cyber.Eyes2005Talk 05:00, 16 March 2024 (UTC)