Talk:Oyster Burns

This article is a good article. This means the community feels it is written well.

GA review

Early life

• 01. Is there anyway you can expand this section? (although its not really necessarily, just making sure the article is broad in its coverage)

No, nothing on the guy's early life that isn't already mentioned.

• 02. Why did his parents moved from Ireland?

No idea. I'd guess it had something to do with the Great Famine, but no source covers it.

Professional career

• 01. "Burns, now 18 years old" - maybe something like this? ---> "Burns, who was 18 years old at the time, [...]" needs past-tense tone.

Fixed.

• 02. "His voice reminds one of a buzz-saw." - missing word(s)? "His voice reminds him of one of a buzz-saw."

Not missing words. Quote from reference: "Tom "Oyster" Burns was called "the noisiest man that ever played on the Brooklyn team. His voice reminds one of a buzz-saw."

• 03. "Burns, now 26" - not in past-tense tone.

Fixed.

After baseball

• 01. "and was buried in Holy Cross Cemetery in North Arlington, New Jersey." - needs source.

Covered by the first general reference.

• 02. Is there anyway you can expand this section? (although its not really necessarily, just making sure the article is broad in its coverage)

No, nothing on the guy's death.

References

• 01. Ref#3 needs ISBN spacing "1402736258" --> "1-4027-3625-8"

Fixed.

Final thoughts

Please fix the following problems with the article. Best, AJona1992 (talk) 20:43, 11 September 2011 (UTC)

TRM's comments

• "Over his career, Burns " just "he" instead of Burns here, no need to continually repeat his name, every other sentence and where required should suffice.
• "pitcher" is a diambiguation page.
• Same for "However, Burns also ..." -> "However, he also...". Check this throughout the article please.
• "Thomas P. Burns was born " no need to repeat Thomas P. here.
• "On the season" don't like that, During the season perhaps?
• What's a "triple"?
• "would win the " what's wrong with just "won the"?
• 1888–1895 in infobox, why not just 1888–95?
• "and was buried in Holy Cross Cemetery in North Arlington, New Jersey" ref?
• Ref 1 should be pp. not p. as it's for multiple pages.

The Rambling Man (talk) 10:53, 19 September 2011 (UTC)

All fixed. "and was buried in Holy Cross Cemetery in North Arlington, New Jersey" is covered by the general ref. Albacore (talk · changes) 22:39, 19 September 2011 (UTC)

Other points

I started reading and just wrote down what I saw as i saw it. Most of the suggestions should be locatable in a quick top-down read (except the final point). They are mainly based on shorter sentences, avoiding unneeded or difficult terms, and a bit of confusion as to what exactly was being said.

• Nationality in the opening (American professional baseball player... (baseball player maybe enough. Is professional realy needed?

Probably not since playing for professional teams establishes this.

• "Burns mostly played as an outfielder, but also played" - split into two sentences "...outfeilder. He also played..."

Done.

• "Burns spent most of his career in the major leagues. However, Burns also" - Combine.. ok, so I hate combining sentences as it makes it more complex, but avoiding "However" in the simplest way possible is a better call. "major leagues but he" also gets rid of another Burns-Burns structure.

Fixed.

• Is his height and weight anything more than extra information we had laying around and tossed in? It seems out of place there.

Yes. I don't think it hurts the flow of the lead, so I'll leave it in for now. Albacore (talk · changes) 16:31, 1 January 2012 (UTC)

• "Burns, nicknamed "Oyster" because he sold oysters in the off-season, was described as a "loudmouth" and having "an irritating voice and personality" - split. "Burns was nicknamed Oyster because... season. He was described as.." His nick is a valid part of the article as it is the listed name and as such is worth its own sentence. It isn't just an aside to how people thought of him.

Done.

• "Nevertheless, Burns led " - is the fact that he was loud and had an iratating voice showing that he shouldnt have led the team to their accomplishments? "Nevertheless" seems to indicate that is true. 'Even though <this>, he did <this>' tends to be how people see "Nevertheless". The word is really not needed there.

Removed.

• "pitcher for minor league Harrisburg." Either 'for the minor league team Harrisonburn <whatevers>' which needs a better link for Harrisonburg or 'pitcher in the minor leagues in Harrisburg". 'He played in the minor leagues as a pitcher for the Harrisburg <whats>' would probably be best.

Porter doesn't tell me what the Harrisburg team was named, and neither does baseball reference. I've reworded.

Researched this one a bit more.. seems the Harrisburg team didn't have a <whatevers> name.. Of the 7 teams in the league, them and Trenton were just named for the city. 70.184.168.201 (talk) 06:52, 2 January 2012 (UTC)

• "playing for the Wilmington Quicksteps, but left the team" Split. if possible add the date they joined or he left.

Added date left.

• "Burns, then 18 years old, was the youngest player" - 'At the age of 18 years old, he was.." - simpler structure.

Fixed.

• "Despite playing in only 35 games on the season, Burns recorded a team-leading six home runs" - Despite isnt simple, recorded and "on the season" are bordering on jargon as the meaning or structure isn't common outside of sports. "Burns only played in 35 games that season but had 6 home runs. He had more home runs than any other player on the team that season."

Reworded.

• there is no reason to say " He continued his career with the Orioles in 1885,..." when it is assumed (unless otherwise stated) that he played for the same team as the year before. "In 1885, he.." would be fine.

Fixed.

• "low batting average led him to be demoted" - did it cause him to be demoted or did it guide him there? "led" is a questionable choice given its meanings.

Changed.

• "Burns had reentered the majors" 'returned to playing in the majors'

Fixed.

• Recorded again, Remained with - stayed with, recorded again.

Where's the context of the problem? I can't find it. Albacore (talk · changes) 01:41, 7 January 2012 (UTC)

• Contrary to some opinion, the plural of RBI is RBIs (double checked 20 websites, Mirriam Webster and even EN:WP. Between acronyns normally being treated as a full word and the fact that it is 'Run-batted-in' for the acronym and not runs, RBI as a plural is another case of the media not knowing what it is saying..

pluralized

• I got a bit confused on the "He continued to play for the club til 1885. then played for the giants. in his final season. after the 95 season his contract was bought by the colts. the next season he was the player-coach" section.. seems he played for the giants in 95 as his final season, so did he not play for the colts when they had his contract? and was that 96? which year was the bluebirds and if he was a player-coach, did he play or just coach (would affect "his final season")?

Reread, I think I clarified. Albacore (talk · changes) 01:41, 7 January 2012 (UTC)

• There are several incidents tossed throughout the article that match up by timeline but in context seem out of place and should likely get a subsection of their own. Im looking at the general viewpoint of other, the quote from the clipper, him losing the team captain for beaming the pitcher, and the stabbing incident. The stabbing incident needs a bit of work on the wording as well - was his action a hilt deep stab or more of a poke that went badly? What exactly is "turned on the knife" (unless it was a mini-lightsaber which explains a lot), and how did this lead him to something? (caused not led again). As to the whole section of actions. there seems to be enough for its on heading on issues he had or was known for. As it is, several of the points seem out of place where they as as the sections around them seem focused on his playing and them BAM!! something happened, and back to playing. The shift just seems to break the flow of the text and distract from the details.

0ne or two points.. I kind of got carried away.. 70.184.168.201 (talk) 11:19, 1 January 2012 (UTC)