Talk:Southampton Corporation Tramways

PVGA comments

• Lead is far too short, it needs to summarise the whole article - I'd expect at least two paragraphs, probably ten sentences for an article this long.
• Lead image would be good.

  Added. Goblin 00:14, 26 October 2009 (UTC) I ♥ Shappy!

• Introduce where Southampton is before talking about it.

•  Fixed Goblin 15:42, 19 November 2010 (UTC) I ♥ Chenzw!

• Why was it "getting bigger"?

   Fixed Goblin 15:42, 19 November 2010 (UTC) I ♥ Chenzw!

• "Twenty years later in 1861" one or the other, not both.

   Fixed Goblin 15:42, 19 November 2010 (UTC) I ♥ Chenzw!

• Ah, now you say why it was getting bigger. Perhaps move the reason back a couple of sentences?

   Fixed Goblin 15:42, 19 November 2010 (UTC) I ♥ Chenzw!

• Obviously red links to solve.
• I would add a caption to the horse-drawn carriage image and move it up one section.
• No need to link dates.
• "The tramway made £26" ever? every day? every trip?

  "Old money"? "Decimalised? —MC8 (b · t) 16:56, Monday November 9 2009 (UTC)

• " Many people did not want the trams to run on a Sunday, and 3,500 people put their names on a petition to stop the trams running on a Sunday" why? And I would replace "running on a Sunday" at the end with something like "running that day" to prevent repetition.
• "The company's manager said that there were lots of people who rode on the trams on Sunday and that the service would continue. If the service made money on a Sunday, then the trams would keep running. " perhaps remove the first "and that the service would continue" and then you have a better structure.
• "The first tram route that opened was Stag Gate - Holy Rood." remove hyphen and replace with English, i.e. "from Stag Gate to Holy Rood".
• Multiple destination routes should use an en-dash to separate the locations.
• "One of the managers ran away with some money to America in 1881" - ran away to America with some of the company's money?
• "got the sack" isn't Simple.
• "because they changed from 3d to 2d for "through routes" - not Simple, what's a superscripted d? (I know but do our readers?) - what's a "through route"?
• "The tram times became two times as fast to every 5 minutes" no, perhaps "twice as frequent to one every five minutes"? Or is that route down to 5 minutes? In which case it should be "times reduced by half..."
• Couple more refs wouldn't go amiss, e.g. the 51,000 purchase.
• twenty-three -> 23
• Few more redlinks around here.
• Why tram numbers in bold?
• Installment doesn't exist at simple wikt.
• "Southampton Corporation" or "Southampton Corporation Tramways"? Which is the official name?
• "They decided that Southampton's was going to be based on Liverpool's. " bit clunky. Perhaps "...that the tramways in Southampton would be based on those in Liverpool"?
• Stag Gate or Stag Gates?
• If you want to say "World War One" then at least say "World War Two" rather than "World War 2"?
• 75-80 should use an en-dash.
• Sixty three should be 63, but if you insist on words then use a hyphen. This also needs a full stop.
• You don't need to use ref [2] 11 times in one paragraph. And when you do use it, put it after punctuation, not before.
• Now you have "World War I" and "II" - be consistent, and avoid overlinking.
• "To try and stop this women ..." - "In an attempt to stop this, women..."
• "no.31 " - No. 31
• "incendiary bomb" - not Simple.
• Ref 2 used 7 times again in a single paragraph. Go easy!
• Ref 1 has no ISBN no.
• Other website has a rogue full stop.

  Fixed. —MC8 (b · t) 09:18, Monday November 9 2009 (UTC)

The Rambling Man (talk) 14:06, 23 October 2009 (UTC)