Talk:The Sea of Monsters

Comment on PGA and vocabulary

This article should interest many readers, but needs to be much simpler. As a start, the vocabulary is too difficult for many English language learners. Linking is possible, but following links to Wiktionary breaks the reading process. Even better would be to use simpler words. I've listed words below that are not simple and need rewriting or linking.

Rewriting is better than linking. For example "protagonist" is linked, but hero or main character would be much simpler. Much of this complex vocabulary is in quoted reviews. You made need to summarize the review or paraphrase it rather than repeating it as-is.

• antagonist
• compelling
• contemporary
• debut
• duel
• feat
• flaw
• fleece
• innermost
• intermingle
• iris
• magician
• mythical
• narrated
• narration
• otherworldly
• pine
• predecessors
• prequel
• prophecy
• protagonist
• quest
• rainbow
• resonate
• sarcastic
• sardonic
• sassy
• sequel
• snappy

Also, link audiobook when it first appears, not later. Fix audiobook vs audio book--both occur. Gotanda (talk) 02:02, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

Most of these have been done, although I couldn't simplify rainbow, narrated and iris. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 15:47, 16 January 2011 (UTC)

A few quick comments

A very nicely written article, on the whole. I'm afraid this can be but a very incomplete review - more like a few comments - but here it is:

• They also save Camp Half-Blood, a summer camp for demigods, from the attack of a Titan's attack by bringing the Golden Fleece to cure Thalia's poisoned pine tree, that protected the camp. Too, many, commas ,,, The sentence is informative and neutral, but it might be a bit long and confusing for our readers.
• Satyr friend Grover - satyr should be linked on its first usage.
• Reviewers have called it a "fast paced" book[7] humorous, full of action,[7] which discusses about acceptance and family love.[8] <-- This sentence sounds a bit awkward (and "paced" is a complex word). "...called it a "fast paced" book with humor and action, which discusses acceptance and family love" might be a substitute?
• He discovers they are Laistrygonians (a kind of monster of Greek mythology). A monster "of" Greek mythology? Hmm...maybe a monster in Greek mythology?
• In the process, Annabeth understands that her fatal fault is overconfidence. If I remember correctly, her fatal flaw was hubris. Not sure if that's the same as overconfidence.
• Like its predecessors, this book was well received. <-- Rather complex sentence, isn't it?
• "External links" -> "Other websites"
• Rick Riordan's official website seems to be dead.

And that's about all I can find for now. :) [Cue to my conscience's "Clementina you are so la-zy" shrieks for not fixing this stuff myself] Sorry for the shortness of the review, and I hope this article can be a GA! Warmly, —Clementina talk 09:59, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

 Fixed About the fatal flaw thing, hubris is defined in EnWP as "extreme haughtiness or arrogance"/"overestimating one's own competence or capabilities". I have changed overconfidence to hubris, and explained the word. Pmlineditor ∞ 10:52, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

Some simplification of the plot summary and sentences that need work

I just wanted to explain the recent changes I made to the summary. Many of the sentences were complex. I changed some passive verbs to active, reduced complex vocabulary, and added a paragraph to separate the description of Annabeth's vision from the continuing action. I hope all fo those changes are OK. I think they make the plot summary simpler, but still keep the same meaning. Active sentences with subject and verb close together are much easier to read than passives sentences. A basic subject-verb-object order is part of keeping it simple.

These are some sentences that need simplification because of passives, length, or relative clauses, especially the last one:

• It is learned that he was actually saved by Rainbow.
• Clarisse has a boat of her own that was a gift from her father.
• Daughter of Ares who was given the quest of getting the Golden Fleece to save the camp.
• The boat is destroyed when they enter the Sea of Monsters, which is said to be known to mortals as the Bermuda Triangle.
• They are captured and they learn that Luke is trying to reform Kronos, a Titan who is the father of Zeus.
• He is a 13-year-old demigod who travels to the island of Polyphemus in the Sea of Monsters or the Bermuda Triangle to find his friend, the satyr Grover and recover the Golden Fleece to save Camp Half-Blood from being destroyed.

I'd like to go on and make more of the article simpler to read. There are still some complex sentences and passages. But, I am not at all familiar with these books, so I don't want to add any errors. Please correct me if I've got something wrong.

Thanks, Gotanda (talk) 02:08, 22 January 2011 (UTC)

I have addressed most of your concerns. The mentioned sentences have either been split to separate ones, or the sentence structure has been simplified. Thanks for the review! Regards, Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 08:45, 22 January 2011 (UTC)

A question about images

I know from the criteria that "If there are any illustrations, they must be pertinent to the article. They must also be properly labelled." That does not say that images are required, but would they help this article? I didn't find actual Percy Jackson and the Olympian's images on Commons. (No surprise) But, there are lots of mythology-related images that might help a reader. Plus, an image or two can help to break up long sections of text.

I have a couple of suggestions, but I have not read these novels.

• Poseidon [1]
• Golden Fleece [2] [3]
• Cyclops/Polyphemus [4] [5]

Just a thought. If images not directly from the book distract more than they add, then never mind. Just wondering because most Good Articles have at least one image. Thanks, Gotanda (talk) 23:26, 28 January 2011 (UTC)

There is an image from the cover of the book used on enWP - should we use it? PrincessofLlyr ^talk 14:24, 29 January 2011 (UTC)

I'm guessing that the cover is copyrighted and is thus not in Commons, so we can't use it here (I think). Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 17:19, 29 January 2011 (UTC)

I think that pictures of characters of Greek mythology may not be very useful here, because in the books, they are portrayed in an entirely different way than that in the original myths. I'm trying to look for other possible pictures to add to the article. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 11:38, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

OK, I understand. That is kind of what I thought--that maybe the creatures appeared quite different in these new books and films. There is no point in adding an image just to add an image. If you don't find anything that helps the reader, then no image is needed. One can always be added later if it becomes available. Thanks for checking. Gotanda (talk) 12:03, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

PVGA initial comment

Refs

These two need fixes, I think.

• "Book awards: BookSense Top Ten Summer Pick". Retrieved 2009-04-12. now points to an empty page.

• "The Sea of Monsters". Shvoong. Retrieved 2009-09-20. Is Shvoong.com a reliable source? Tab at the top that says "Write and Earn" makes it look like a content/link farm. Pretty much just an open review/summary site.

Simpler

Could definitely use some more simplification. As one example, the Audiobook section includes several quotes and is not that simple in structure/readability.

The second paragraph in the summary section is long and includes a lot. May be overloaded. Divide into chunks/events: maybe... discovery of Tyson, cruise ship, sea of monsters, island of Circe, Sirens, New Manhattan.

Completeness

How about the forthcoming graphic novel described in the En article?

Thanks, Gotanda (talk) 13:30, 17 November 2011 (UTC)

Some other comments:

• rickriordan.com appears to be a self-published source. Can individual sources be found for the awards?

• Ref 17 IMDb is not reliable.

• Refs 20, 21, and 22 need more information (publisher etc.)

• Other pages->> Related pages
  •  Done

• In the infobox... "Make date" is ambiguous; I think I know what it means, but it could use some clarification.
  •  Fixed

• Ref 15 needs a |format parameter.

Never seen/heard of that parameter before. None of the other references use that either.

That's it for now. Albacore (talk · changes) 21:52, 26 November 2011 (UTC)