Talk:Halo 3

PGA comments

Giggy's comments

• Refs need publishers and access dates.
• "is an award winning" - I know award is linked, but I still think it's unnecessarily complex to include this at the start of the article.  Done
• Check throughout for itlaics and quotation marks.
• Why are The Covenant, Super Soldier, The Elite (etc.) in italics? (And should they have capital letters?)
  • Some odd use of italics throughout...  Done
• "who fights for mankind" - what's mankind? (easier to just say "human race" again)  Done
• "The gameplay in Halo 3 is similar to the gameplay in Halo and Halo 2 but with added features." - this doesn't help if you haven't read those articles or played those games (and we assume the reader has done neither), so I would suggest you put this later in the section and actually explain the gameplay first. Oh, and use the full name for Halo: Combat Evolved.
• "but with sections of vehicle based fighting" --> "but some sections involve vehicles" or something like that (and put a comma before this)  Done
• "Also" is used quite a bit in, try and cut down on it.
• "There are skulls hidden through the levels, that if found by any of the players change the gameplay in some way" - a bit complex; I'd split into two sentences.  Done
• (I haven't played the game.) Are those the best examples of the effects of skulls? Are there any that have serious effects on gameplay, or do they all do relatively silly things?

No, they don't  Done

• "The Covenant declared religious war on humanity." - you've used present tense so far; be consistent
• "The Halo's" - why the apostrophe?
• "refused to confirm they were working on Halo 3," - same be simplified some
• "NPC, Non Player Character" --> "Non Player Character (NPC)"  Done
• Considering how much there is here you could probably expand your section a bit. At a glance, the graphics engine isn't mentioned.
• Reception section can also be expanded

That should cover most of it. Giggy (talk) 08:45, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Comments from The Rambling Man

• I would modify the references to use {{cite web}}  Done FSM ^Noodly? 09:37, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

  Actually, not a single one has a retrived date. That still needs to be done. -- American Eagle (talk) 03:59, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

But they do all use CiteWeb though.

• Image captions which are "fragments" (i.e. not complete sentences) should not take a full stop/period.  Done
• Alien links to a dab page.  Done
• I would link "race" as it's not being used in its simplest form.
• Should "the covenant " really be "The Convenant"?  Done
• Same with Elites?
• " $300 million US dollars" you effectively repeat dollars here. Wikilink the $ to US dollars and drop "US dollars".  Done
• Be consistent with date linking and formats. I prefer no linking. For instance, in the lead, you have " September 25, 2007" fully linked and then "January 1 2008" has month and year linked, and no comma. Check throughout.  Done
• Headings should not be overcapitalised, e.g. Story Mode should be Story mode, Design and Development should be Design and development etc..  Done
• "'universal acclaim'" isn't simple.
• "... include the new to Halo 3 flamethrower..." not well phrased. Why not "include the flamethrower which is new to Halo 3..." Yeah that was bad -  Done
• "where players could create " "..can create..."  Done
• "the Elites, Arbiter and the last two as elites" as above - be consistent with capitalising these terms.
• "annoying. [16]" remove space before citation.  Done
• "as the rest of the Halo series" "as is the rest of the..."?  Done
• "Halos" or "Halo's" for plural Halo. Be consistent.  Done all as Halo's
• "Covenant are don't know this and " - not grammatically correct and if you keep don't, make it do not - avoid contractions.
• Portal is not simple.
• "planet size " planet-sized?  Done
• "27 piece " 27-piece - same for the 60 piece.  Done

That's a start. The Rambling Man (talk) 09:02, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

ChristianMan16's Comments

I really only have 2 problems.

• No Infobox...one needs to be added.  Done
• NO External Links to gaming reviews or reviewing sites like IGN. Add some of those and not JUST IGN.  Done Quite a few of the references are from review sites.
• Add links to their page on places like IGN is what I meant. Kinda like what enwp does. (17:19, 16 October 2008 (UTC))

Fix those things and we'll see what we have.--  ✧ ChristianMan16  05:28, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

Why do we have to have an infobox? I noted in my comments above that more reception info would be good; this will probably include more reviews. Giggy (talk) 07:25, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

Cause it displays vital information for quick reference.--  ✧ ChristianMan16  17:14, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

I added an infobox, feel free to revert. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:30, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

• While I'm here; the references need formatting (publishers and access dates are a must, as are author and date if known). Giggy (talk) 07:25, 16 October 2008 (UTC)
  • Who are the publishers? Are they the owner(s) of the website? Chenzw  Talk  06:14, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Death by papercuts

Multiple terms are linked to disambig pages (alien, marine) and the basic grammar overall needs help. The worst being in the multiplayer section where it looks like commas were just tossed into the air and placed where they fell.

1. Sentence issues with length and run-ons. If at all possible, each sentence should have one single idea/purpose. For example:
   1. The first sentence is at least two separate sentences, and could easily be three.
   2. The third sentence could also use a re-write/split - "..25th in most of the world. In Japan and Europe it was.."
2. Terms are linked multiple times (Vehicle, Master Chief)
3. typos throughout ("..a headshot and and another makes..", "..where on team must take the enemy flag..")
4. "Because often Halo multiplayer is played" - At this, smiles does Yoda..
5. Italics for all the wrong reasons. They should mainly only be used for artistic works (paintings, titles of albums, movies, video games or books, etc), names of vessels and terms which need emphasis (things you are explaining now and will be using later).
6. Commas. Simplest rule for comma use: read it out loud. When you get to a comma, pause to breath. No breathing unless you get to a comma (or other punctuation). If you pass out from lack of oxygen, are taking pauses in all the wrong places or sound like William Shatner acting, you have comma issues.

-- Creol(talk) 20:19, 18 October 2008 (UTC)